George
This is George. No one is allowed to shoot him.
posted by E @10:56 AM
Home of "E"
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Things I have learned...
- Don't give Dawn a gun. (I dreamed she shot George. Dawn is dead to me.)
- Rachel has a stealth attack chair. If you don't believe me, you ought to see the massive bruise on my arm.
- There is a conspiracy afoot to keep me from watching the spring training game on Thursday. I will thwart the efforts to keep me away.
- Trip planning is hard. I'm not going to do it anymore.
- I need to not be so delete-happy with my e-mail. I apparently missed the important part of a miserably long e-mail where it said I was getting money. Nice catch, Kathy.
posted by E @8:05 AM
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Once upon a time...
In light of recent others posting memories of foreign living, I thought I'd post this short story of a trip to Sarajevo. I'll leave you to figure out which character is E.Once Upon a Time, I Was Assassinated by the Black Hand
A short story by S.D.
Thursday November 9th is certainly not a day that future history books will remember. To the untrained eye, it probably appeared much like any other Thursday, with all the tell-tale signs of an impending week-end: a dog barking quietly in the distance, wind out of the north-northwest at four knots, excited anticipation in any of Budapest's fine kocsmak. Yet this Thursday was two days before Armistice Day.
And on the eve of such a weighty day, ex-patriots must recall the climatic end of the Great War by paying homage at the scene of the crime. The crime: the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand on 28 June 1914 that started the whole mess. The scene: sunny downtown Sarajevo.
But before I regale you, dear reader, with tales of my escapades through enemy controlled Serbian territory, let me brief you a bit on the United States Department of State and their revered "travel advisories." If I've learned anything during my semester abroad, it is how to read between the lines of said "advisories." Clearly designed to encourage passive compliance, State Department "travel advisories" are exactly that: suggestions for stupid American tourists. They are meant to be taken with a grain of salt. And they are certainly not a reason not to drink coffee in the break-away Serbian controlled Republika Srpska in northern Bosnia.
So I'd be lying if I said that I was surprised to find myself on a train from Budapest to Zagreb at 17.35 on that magical Thursday, planning to connect in Zagreb on the 12.30 bus on Friday to Sarajevo. If the plan was flawless in foresight, it was sheer bliss in implementation. I was confident myself and my travelling partner (hereafter, we'll call her "Texas" to protect the innocent and simultaneously quietly remember the Bush family legacy) would travel to Sarajevo by the safest route possible.
Texas leaned over to me and asked, "We won't be travelling through the break-away Republika Srpska, will we?"
And I, quickly, calmly, responded, "Of course not. And don't worry; the Bosnians don't patrol their borders. They farm that out to the Croatians."
So imagine my surprise when I looked up to see a sign forever etched in my mind. It was written in three languages: Serbo-Croat in Cyrillic, Serbo-Croat in Latin (for the Bosnians in the crowd), and perfect English. It read:
I took the news with only minor unsolicited urination. Texas was more positive; "Do you think they'll stamp our passports?" I quickly called to mind a passage I read once in one of my many guidebooks: visitors are strongly cautioned against travel to the break-away Republika Srpska. Those who do venture there can expect to pay at least $40 USD and cigarettes as bribes when entering or leaving. Well, I had American dollars in my wallet and American cigarettes in my pocket.
Sadly, the border guard (who was Serbian, I hasten to point out) required neither large sums of cash nor American cigarettes. That said, if you open my passport to page 15, you may or may not find a stamp from the Serbian Republic.
We stopped twice in said Republic: once so Texas could pee (which she is wont to do, even in this wintry economic climate) and I could leisurely sip coffee while thumbing my nose at the State Departments bureaucrats in Washington, and once in the capital of the Republic, Banja Luka (which apparently even Bosnians are afraid of at night). Yet there's something about stopping in a rebel stronghold that just seems so right.
We arrived in Sarajevo around 21.00 that night and propositioned a taxi cab driver to find us a room. To make a long story (eerily told in Serbo-Croat, which both my lovely companion and I speak) short, we eventually found a nice old woman trapped in a loveless marriage who agreed to take us into her home for the night. She went off on a tangent about Oprah Winfrey, while Texas and I fell fast asleep.
Waking up (in the freezing cold, I might add) in Sarajevo does not happen by accident, nor does it leave the waked unchanged for the experienced. And strolling down the beautiful albeit bombed-out street is nothing if not eye-opening. That said, Sarajevo itself is quite a beautiful town, and after last Thursday's parliamentary elections, in appears on the road to EU acession in the year 3012.
So in conclusion, did I make it back safely? Perhaps you might say that. Did I buy a cane in Sarajevo? Of course. Did I celebrate the Armistice as we were meant to? Goodness no. And most importantly: did the McDonald's in Zagreb have Chicken McNuggets when I arrived on Sunday morning? In the words of two different employees: "No." Was I distraught? More than words can ever express.
I have to stop going to the Balkans.
posted by E @6:05 PM
Friday, February 24, 2006
6
That's how many hours I've managed to sleep in the last two days. I'm tired. I need a nap. I'm feeling a bit like this:
posted by E @9:05 AM
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Work
Why is it that I suddenly have to spend all my time doing actual work? Make it stop!
posted by E @12:55 PM
I won!
I never win anything. Ever. Well except for that giant pink panther the FFA gave me at the Wadena County Fair, but I was three so that doesn't count. Last night, I had the red highlighter which meant I won a DVD of Fiddler on the Roof. Wow, excitement could hardly describe it. I managed to trade it for the Special Edition of Silence of the Lambs. I tried to get the soundtrack to Walk the Line, but someone beat me to it. They probably had more to offer than Fiddler.I also learned something last night - Don't drink a glass of wine on a stomach that hasn't had any food in many, many hours. Especially not at a company function. Excellent wine though. Two thumbs up.
posted by E @8:51 AM
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Bonus
Today while reading during my lunch, I turned the page and out fell a sheet of gold stars. I'm now contemplating what to do with them. Gives me something to think about other than that things are quickly going to hell in a handbasket.
posted by E @1:05 PM
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
You know what I hate?
I hate it when I'm told to go find out about something, I bend over backwards to get the information and then can't do anything with what I found. Don't waste my time. Don't make me deal with snotty people who resent having to talk to me. Don't add even more frustration to my life. Just let me go on my merry way. We'll all be a lot happier that way.I hate it when I'm supposed to plan the flights of a bunch of foreign teenagers and can't do it because Northwest may cease to exist after Northwest pilots and flight attendants decide to strike on Friday. Why the hell would they strike? You know what will happen. Instead of having a job with benefits and pay you don't like, everyone will have no job. Good work guys! If Northwest stops flying, there's no way these kids will get a seat on another carrier or if they do, it'll cost them $3000.
On a happier note, I bought a new bedside table for my guest bedroom. Who knew it would be that easy to find? And massively on sale too!
posted by E @10:30 AM
Monday, February 20, 2006
I Hate Making Plans
I realized this morning just how much I hate planning things. I like things to be fluid and open to change. This is why I hate travelling. You have to plan where you're going to stay and how you're going to get there and then stick to that plan.I am currently panicked about making my connection home in London. So I've been trying to revise my plans without losing anything. This isn't really possible. I want to spend at least one weekend day with my host family. This would give us the opportunity to go somewhere even if it's just to Stare Miasto for a beer. I was planning to do this on the back end of the trip. I could get a flight out of Warsaw on Sunday morning that would arrive at Heathrow two hours before my flight home leaves. Two things could affect this:
1. Krystian is notoriously late for everything and I've been damn close to missing flights in the past. This flight also leaves ridiculously early and would make my flight home a really, really long one.
2. Any delays in the flight or at customs will cause massive problems. I've had experience shifting terminals at Heathrow. It involves a bus and long ass concourses and clearing security for a second time. Not to mention that I would have to check-in again in London because I'm switching carriers.
These key points have led me to believe I need to be in London the night before I come home. So now I have a dilemma. Do I stay in London first, then head to Paris and Warsaw? Or do I go directly to Warsaw, then Paris and then London?
posted by E @9:05 AM
Friday, February 17, 2006
Random Thoughts
- I'm really tired. I thought about calling in sick today, but then realized I didn't know who to call.
- Watching the Skeleton last night, one of the athletes was said to be two months pregnant. The hell? I'm told prenatal care often involves sliding headfirst down an icy slide at 80 mph. I know it's the Olympics and it only happens every four years, but reckless, selfish and stupid doesn't even begin to cover this.
- I've decided I'm not going to be cheap and will stay in a hotel rather than a hostel in London. This is mainly because I want a private room so I can sleep the night I arrive and not be disrupted by drunk backpackers. Also, the hotel I picked out is centrally located, has a full English breakfast and costs less than $100 a night.
- One of my friends has some serious mental issues and I think she should get help. However, she's not a danger to herself or others, so I'm not going to press the issue. I'd love to see her scores on a normal personality test though.
- Men's figure skating is dumb.
- When discussing your new role with a new company I would suggest not asking for an interior decorator to design your new cube space. Or demanding instant messenger by implemented by everyone in the company immediately. Or requiring collaborative space that allows your inner spirit to flourish.
- I hate people. They suck.
posted by E @9:47 AM
Thursday, February 16, 2006
You can just go jump off a bridge
That's the attitude I'm having to put up with from some people at the office. I've been dumped into this ridiculous situation where, with limited knowledge, I have found some major issues that will cause massive problems if not resolved. Sadly, no one seems to know how to resolve them. Great.At this moment, I'm listening to the company bitchfest as my coworkers dissect their new coworkers and their petty, negative attitudes. The more I hear, the less I want to deal with these people.
Maybe I should jump off a bridge. At least then I wouldn't have to deal with this nightmare.
posted by E @10:58 AM
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
News Outlets - I Hate You
Why must you ruin the Olympics? I recognize that you want to report the "news," but can't you do it in a more circumspect way? Is it absolutely necessary for you to trumpet the winner/loser in the headline? Bastards. You totally ruined yesterday's Alpine Combined for me and I hate you.
posted by E @7:18 AM
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
My God, it's Valentine's Day
Who the hell cares? Even when in a relationship, I've never been a big fan of the holiday. It's like you're obligated to do something just because the commercials say so. I don't want flowers, jewelry or candy (but if you want to give me candy I'd be OK with that). I don't want to feel like we have to have a special night out to celebrate our love along with the rest of the free world. I don't want to spend money on an expensive dinner (although once again, if you want to get me food, I'd be happy to eat it).My most vivid memory of Valentine's Day was when my boyfriend sent me flowers. The flowers themselves were not all that memorable. No what I remember is that they were delivered during my nap and the doorbell woke me up. I was really unhappy about it. That could be why I was not appropriately appreciative when my boyfriend asked me about them later. See? No good comes of Valentine's Day.
So tonight I'm going to go home, eat some Mac and Cheese, George-proof the house, then sit down and watch the Olympics.
ETA: I just got a Scooby Snack and a tattoo. Yay for Valentine's Day!
posted by E @7:52 AM
Monday, February 13, 2006
Fridays are supposed to be fun
My Friday was extremely eventful both at work and at play. At work, I discovered I have a new job title, job description, department and manager. My feelings about some of this cannot be described in a public forum even though I'm the only one that reads/writes this blog.Friday night, however, I can describe. I dragged my brother along with me to Matt's Bar where we met up with Reid, Beth, Kristie, Barb and Mic. We all enjoyed our Jucy Lucys and I had a cider. A wide variety of subjects were discussed including cow insemination, fascinating really. We left quite early so we could go see the Harrison Ford movie, Firewall.
The movie was really not entertaining, but what made it all worthwhile was when Delma showed up in the same theater with a date. Best. Night. Ever. Andrew totally freaked. He said he "felt gross" and was squirming and kept looking over at her. I don't get this gross comment, but still highly amusing. Then after the movie, he hid out in the bathroom while I was supposed to go spy on Delma and her date. She saw me and waved. I got in trouble with my brother though, because I didn't check out her date. I was unaware that was the point of my spying. Andrew was really upset that he saw her out on a date, when he was out with his sister. I think he believes that's somewhat pathetic. I see no problem going to a movie with your sibling. Still a good time was had by all, and by all, I mean me.
posted by E @7:42 AM
Swimming with the Boys
What the hell is the deal with the pool? I try to swim Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays because it's not as crowded and I don't have to share a lane. I really, really hate sharing. So while Saturday was uneventful, Sunday was a nightmare. I have no idea what the hell kind of event was going on at the Community Center, but it must have been pretty big. I had to park across the street on the other side of the middle school parking lot. I was most upset by this development.Once I got into the locker room, I realized that wearing a suit that actually fits involves tightness that isn't there when I wear one that's a size too big. I had to return to my backup suit this week because my newer suit is having technical difficulties. Anyway, I was ten minutes into my swim when I look up and see people with clipboards and a few boys standing around at the edge of the pool. A couple more laps and I notice about 20 more boys have joined them. Another lap later and the pool has been swarmed with these boys. I have no idea what the hell these kids were doing, but I know that they didn't know how to swim. I felt slightly bad about swimming next to them because while I had been swimming for 20 minutes straight, they were swimming a lap each and I was passing them right and left. It was odd though, because as quickly as they had come in, they were gone. Then my poor ears were subjected to the nasty cold as I had to trek back to my truck. The poor frostbite stricken extremeties did not take well to this exposure.
I am most happy to report that when the temperature in one's house is 50 degrees, the pool is actually quite warm and inviting. Yet another perk of not turning the heat on in the house.
posted by E @7:37 AM
Friday, February 10, 2006
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...
I love the snow. Yesterday, we got a short burst of snow that caused all drivers on the road to panic and led to mass chaos on the freeways. I watched all the suckers on 494 sitting parked out there all afternoon. A little after 4, I got the call I was expecting. Yes, Bret, I'll get the kids. Because I am awesome and cars move out of my way, it only took me ten minutes longer than usual to get to the school. I was unhappy, however, when Bret didn't get home until 9. The kids were pissed because he'd promised to take them skating and I refused to do so in his place. I'm not going out with high heels and nice trousers to stand in the cold and snow and watch them skate.I did get to make Cocoa mad and jealous. That's always a highlight. Plus free dinner. Food is good.
posted by E @7:45 AM
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Money, Money, Money
I looked up my online loan account information today and found nothing. I have no outstanding loans at that bank. Ha! My truck is now mine, all mine. No more $500 monthly withdrawals from my checking account. Ecstatic doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about this development. Now, of course, there's horribly bad roads so I'll probably crash on my way home and have to start all over again. But at least I had these few hours of enjoyment.
posted by E @2:29 PM
Moving
So my boss called me from Florida the other day. He wanted to make sure I knew before some random e-mail went out informing me of the changes. Apparently, I have a new boss and a new position in the company. Which could be good. My competition for this new job died a couple months ago, so it doesn't sound like I have to fight anyone for the position. However, this is also going to end up with me moving cubes. I hate moving. I will be especially upset if the new location does not have windows nearby. Or if I have an air vent over my cube. I finally got facilities to adjust the temperature controls and move the vent away from my cube. $5 says that they move me somewhere where the vent is directly over my head. Worst case scenario - I have to move to the Eagan office. I'm so quitting if that happens.On the bright side, I get new coworkers. Ones who maybe won't call me kiddo and treat me like I'm 16. That would be good. I also get a better opportunity to expand my knowledge, maybe even work on some international stuff and dump all data collection and analysis duties on other people. Yay!
My latest fantasy involves me being able to work from home, more specifically, my home in Sheridan, Wyoming. Somehow I doubt that idea will fly, but it's worth a shot anyway. Or I could ask for more money. Also probably not gonna fly.
posted by E @7:20 AM
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Lack of Spunk
I left work at 2:30 yesterday ostensibly to go to the orthodontist. After my five minute appointment for which I had just spent 20 minutes driving to get to, I decided to head over to Ridgedale, maybe check out the Twins Pro Shop. But first, a visit to my second library of the day. Now I haven't been to the Ridgedale library in years. This is largely because the last two times I visited there (almost a year apart), I saw a creepy, dirty man jacking off in the back by the paperbacks. Needless to say, I wouldn't touch any books that came from that particular library. I reported him the first time. The second time I just left. I would have said nothing could dampen my love of the library, this guy proved me really, really wrong. It took me four years to go back to that library but this time there was no creepy guy in sight. I decided maybe it was safe to get some books, but I'm seriously tempted to view them under a black light just to make sure they're okay to touch.Next I went across the street to the mall. I've been looking for a new bath mat for my upstairs bathroom and thought I'd see if Penny's could help. Very excited to see that much like every other store, the entire home and bath department was on sale. I bought a nice mat, wandered the mall for a bit, then left to visit the Twins Pro Shop where I was seriously tempted to buy a $1 JC Romero picture for Bobbi. I think it would make a nice dartboard for her.
Next I moved on to Plato's Closet. They were having a clearance sale so I dug through two huge piles of jeans and came out with a nice pair of from CK and one from Silver. I also got a nice pair of Limited Khakis. Total cost $6, less than the bath mat. Yes, so they're used. But that also means they've been washed and I don't have to worry about the fit changing because they shrunk in the wash. After my shopping success (spending less than $20 is always a good thing), I went home to take a bath and read one of the not spunk-covered books.
posted by E @7:07 AM
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
What to eat?
So now that the year has ended, it's time for the annual sales awards dinner. However, I'm torn on what to order. Since I'm not paying, I'm always after the most expensive thing on the menu. That would be the Filet Mignon. With asparagus and garlic mashed potatoes. Yummy. However, the salads and desserts have thrown me off. Do I order the ceasar, spinach or Messina salad? Should I have tiramisu or torta cioccolata? Why can't I just have them all? Can't I sample it first?I'm hungry.
posted by E @12:14 PM
45,689 / 2,356 =
I hate long division. Sophie, having missed several days of school so that she could go to Kuwait, returned home to find she had pages of homework involving long division. I suck at tutoring because I get so impatient watching and waiting for her to fill in the information. This is what calculators are for. Who sits around and divides 6,241 by 235 by hand? No one. Worse, the teachers always want the student to check the answer so then we have to add multiplication to the fun. I'm getting to the point where the money is not worth the frustration. However, the free Leann Chin helps.
posted by E @7:17 AM
Monday, February 06, 2006
100 Things About "E"
- I haven't been to the doctor in 5 years.
- I love the rodeo.
- I'm big on stalking.
- I'm allergic to milk.
- My house is usually a disaster.
- My parents are competing to see who can have the most/worst physical ailments. My mother is currently in the lead.
- I lived in Warsaw, Poland for a year.
- The first guy I kissed was an Italian named Mario. I don't know if he spoke English.
- I graduated from college with a double major in 3 and a half years.
- I hate Sprint and will never use their services.
- I want to move to Wyoming.
- Matthew LeCroy still sucks.
- I once walked into a travel agency and asked them to find me the cheapest flight to Africa. The next morning I landed at Tunis-Carthage International Airport.
- I have a tendency to lose my voice.
- I've been the "other woman" (it's not cheating if you're on separate continents).
- My host family is offended that I haven't visited them in years. I'm going to Poland in May.
- I lived in a bombed out building in Budapest for 5 months.
- I hate cats.
- I broke my elbow playing soccer, but continued to swim competitively for three weeks after the break.
- I want a dog, but am too lazy to get one.
- I travelled 11 hours on a train to Zagreb for some shoelaces.
- If a potato is the main ingredient, chances are I'll eat it.
- My Christmas tree is from Slovakia.
- I'm super cheap.
- I hate Twin Cities light rail.
- I think MS Excel is the Anti-Christ.
- I like tequila.
- I try to go swimming at least three times a week.
- I visit Las Vegas every year to attend the Wrangler NFR.
- I like hot cowboys.
- I hate it when people are walking in a crowded area and suddenly decide to stop in the middle of the walkway.
- I hate traffic.
- I hate people in general.
- I own a lot of glassware.
- I saw Rome in 6 hours. Except the Sistine Chapel. Apparently it was to the left.
- I love the library. The Hennepin County Library System is one of the few things that enables me to maintain my sanity while living in the Twin Cities.
- I cleaned my boyfriend's bathroom in college in exchange for his writing an economics paper for me.
- I've eaten a raw pig's ear.
- I love the mountains.
- The jeans I am wearing don't fit, but I'm wearing them anyway.
- I buy sweet corn at the liquor store.
- Sometimes I dream in Polish.
- My favorite song is Much Too Young. Amarillo by Morning is a close second.
- I can do three full loads of red laundry without running out of red clothing.
- I love the smell of toxic markers and gasoline.
- I am almost always cold. I wear sweatshirts in the desert.
- I've worn shorts only once in the last five years.
- My desk is full of toys that help to kill time.
- I plan to visit Delicate Arch at some point in my life.
- I like baseball.
- It drives me nuts when I read the obituary of someone very young and it doesn't tell me why they died.
- I'm always hungry.
- I dislike anything even remotely spicy.
- The Resident Director in Budapest hated me and claimed that I led her best (and favorite) pupil astray.
- I was severely hearing impaired for the three days I was in Africa.
- I love listening to Rob Zombie.
- A woman encouraged her dog to mate with mine in the parking lot of a grocery store.
- My dad wants me to buy him a horse.
- I love reading trashy romance novels.
- I don't believe in the use of psychological assessments.
- I do not have a home phone.
- The lady who lives across the street from me is often quite drunk and loves polka music.
- My father also wants me to buy the neighboring farm.
- I like peach juice.
- My brother owes me over $2500.
- I think people who put clothes on their animals for anything other than safety are stupid.
- The calendar in my office is Wild&Scenic Idaho which is way better than 2004's Wild&Scenic Oklahoma.
- It pissed me off when everyone started moving to Idaho and I had to find another state to move to.
- I illegally entered Belarus. An infraction that could have led to me getting shot.
- I got frostbite on the tips of my ears walking to my car from class one night. Now I always wear a hat in the winter.
- I have hitchhiked.
- If I am ever pregnant, I'm not telling anyone until it's pretty obvious (with the obvious exception of the father).
- I think that paying someone $30 an hour to babysit your child is ridiculous but feel free to hire me.
- I have three full sets of china in my house.
- My friend asked me to be in her wedding and I refused to do it if it involved wearing pink.
- I hate it when people in my office whisper. It only draws attention to their conversation.
- I dislike people are who so reactionary to a specific topic that they refuse to hear the other side of the argument.
- I was the only one in the family who could catch our horse Challenger.
- I hate it when I get treated like a teenager just because I look like one.
- I have a Bush/Cheney inaugural mug in my cube just to piss off my coworkers.
- I hate left lane vigilantes.
- I'm addicted to watching shows on the Discovery Health Channel.
- Money makes the world go 'round and I want some of it.
- I'm all about the free food.
- I'm tempted to make stuff up just to finish this list.
- I offered on two different houses before I purchased the one I live in.
- I drive a red truck.
- I enjoyed terrorizing my ex-boyfriend's roommate.
- I don't like holding hands, please don't ask me to.
- I'm extremely shy.
- I enjoy camping.
- I believe that the truth is out there.
- I would like to visit New Zealand.
- The first time I drove a car alone, I was 10 years old.
- I think $10 is too much to pay to see a movie in the theater especially if I have to sit through 20 minutes of commercials.
- I don't think you could pay me to live in California.
- I once swallowed a dime.
- I love using the little air canisters that blow debris out from between the keys of the keyboard.
- I'm getting new siding on my house. I don't particularly want new siding.
- I double and triple check my calendar to make sure I am correct about appointments. I am always paranoid that I have the wrong day or time.
posted by E @7:58 AM
A Soft Hello
There is nothing I love more than writing about nothing; which is exactly what blogging is all about. People's lives are not inherently interesting. Do you honestly want to know whether others' lives are better than yours? I didn't think so. That said, I figure I should start a blog just to keep track of the things in my life. Whether I ever tell anyone else about this blog is questionable. I'll have to think about that.
posted by E @7:40 AM