Hark! Barry Bonds Approacheth!
Dear Vin Skully,You are awesome. Quotes like the one above make baseball so enjoyable to watch when you're calling the game. It's also interesting to note that you do not mention your birthday or circling things when on the air. Keep up the good work.
Fondly,
E
Dear Target,
I adore you. I love how, from your clientele to your layout, you in no way resemble Wal*Mart. Even though I had absolutely no need to purchase anything from you, I searched and finally managed to find a couple things to buy. See what a great customer I am? How about opening a store in Western Wyoming?
Hopefully,
E
Dear CNN, Fox News, et al,
Apparently, unless a disaster happens in New York, DC or Los Angeles you are perfectly useless. Stop sucking and report facts. Making up bridge names is not a good way to report the news - I'm looking at you Fox News. Just in case you are wondering there is not a 19th Avenue bridge and cities do not put pedestrian walkways on the freeway. E, however, is smart enough to know that you are dumb and having lived at University and 35W for two years and walking across the 10th Avenue Bridge several times daily, she was quickly able to figure out that you people know jack and to push mute.
Regards,
E
Dear V,
I apologize for not calling to see if you were okay. Seriously, how was I supposed to know that after five years you still frequent your sorority? My advice is to stop going there when disasters occur. Actually, my advice would be to stop visiting the sorority altogether but that's another issue.
Sorry,
E
posted by E @5:12 PM